Reflection on Learning

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and in a sense, tragic.  It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent”

--Erich Fromm

Recently I enrolled a new family into my program.  This was the first experience in an early child education program for the family.   The process of beginning a new program, the tour, the play date for the little girl, the enrollment and the first day were so very difficult for the family.  Although the little girl had done a play date and enjoyed herself while in the classroom, the dynamics of that experience were different from the first day of school; mommy and daddy were not staying, they were going to work.  The little girl cried her heart out.

This was the first time the parents were leaving their little two year old in the care of strangers.  The mother and I spent a great deal of time together, more so than with any other parent.  Something about her body language, the look in her eyes told me we needed to talk things through.  As I tried to reassure her, I realized she needed more than reassurance, she needed someone to connect with, a friend with whom she could be nervous, scared, and anxious with.  She needed to know she was doing the right thing for her daughter.  We talked and I was honest with her saying, only she could tell if the program was right for her child and her family and that maybe the program was not the right fit—time would tell her that answer.  Tears continued to well up in her eyes, and I simply acknowledged her feelings and asked her about her family, her background I told her I was a parent too and that everything she was feeling was normal—her child’s behavior was also very normal.  Our talk continued for some time and I really got the opportunity to get to know things about her and her cultural background.  I truly felt a connection to her.  I believe she felt the connection as I noticed her body language ease and some of her nervous energy evaporated.  After she left, I told her she could call in periodically and check on her child. 

As I continue to grow as an early childhood educator, I hope to have relationships like what I just described.  I hope to connect with parents and children in a way that allows for comfort in sharing information as well as comfort in simply being who you are.  “Ensuring…every family feels welcome and comfortable creates a crucial foundation for mutually respectful relationships” (Derman-Sparks, & Olsen Edwards, 2010, pg. 37).  I think this will allow me to keep my eye and my heart on creating and maintaining anti-bias communities. 

What I am describing is nothing new, nor is it an experience that other early childhood education professionals as well as families haven’t experienced.  I do believe educators and administrators have had encounters with culturally, racially, and linguistically, gender diverse families.  What is important is taking time with each family and looking beyond an enrollment number, building trust with a family.  Reciprocal trust shows to a family that “…you care about and believe in their child” (Derman-Sparks, et al., 2010, pg. 37).  Trust leads to greater conversations, to greater parent interest in the education program and greater interest in their child’s academic development. 

Thank you to my classmates.  Your input has been most helpful and has allowed me to see myself in different ways, expanding my ideas and my mind.  I wish all of you the very best in your early childhood education journey. 

Resources

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).

Global Awareness

Being of Greek decent I have always had an interest in Eastern European Countries.  As I consider the United States my home, I also include Greece as part of my home as well.  Over the last 10 years or so people from Albania, Romania, Yugoslavia and Armenia have been migrating to Greece because of poor economic conditions in their own countries’.  Life was more prosperous in Greece with adequate housing and employment, however with current economic turmoil facing Greece, more and more people will be negatively impacted and poverty will once again be on the rise.  Montenegro on the other hand is obscure to me; my only knowledge of the country is what I have seen through the travel channel.  It is a beautiful country south of the Adriatic with lots of beautiful beaches, lakes and mountains.  It sounded perfect and I wondered if in this gem of country were people also suffering from poverty?  Were children receiving adequate health care and education services?   My research was a very different type of tour. 

Sadly the people of Montenegro live in a state of misconceptions with regard to children with disabilities.  Parents lack information with regard to disabilities and are embarrassed and ashamed of their children.  Families often times hide their children with disabilities in their homes, refusing anyone access to them. These children are in essence invisible and have no contact with peers or society.  Parents would rather ignore the situation than face it head on.  Families who want their children educated in mainstream programs say the education system needs to provide teaching assistants for children with disabilities; sadly it is not a regular practice.  Other families institutionalize their children with disabilities rather than caring for them.  Montenegro has one of the highest figures of institutionalized children in the World Health Organization region of Europe and Central Asia (UNICEF). 

The risks for these children are high; they face delays in physical and psychological development.  “Attachment is an important marker for social and emotional development” (National Center for Children in Poverty).  Parents and caregivers play “an important role in supporting children’s healthy development” (NCCP).  Unfortunately these children are not provided the opportunity for healthy caregiver attachment.  If children with disabilities are in school, again proper care, instruction and resources are extremely important to a child’s development, any deficit in any of these impact children negatively and can “impair early school success” (NCCP).  As children get older they are more likely to develop behavioral problems, antisocial behaviors and delinquency (NCCP). 

We see only a glimpse into a country; we may see pictures of the landscape and its people and we are satisfied with the beautiful images.  Why examine the picture for imperfections?  We convince ourselves that beautiful images mean a beautiful existence for not only those who travel to these far away places but for the citizens of the country.  We also convince ourselves that these modern countries have modern notions with regard to education and children with disabilities; they must be on par with our beliefs and laws that protect children with disabilities.  I am going to look beyond the brochures and pictures, examining the lives of the people and the lives of the children.  I want to be aware of the ills effecting other people so as to have a better understanding of their existence as well as have a better understanding of what diverse populations may have encountered and lived through in their home countries.  As an educator, I feel this is a wonderful Social Studies lesson to be introduced and discussed in education settings, children learning about other children in the world who are similar to them.  We are all part of a global community and that global community shares commonalities such as disabilities with us.  Disability is not something to be feared or hidden; it is a topic to be discussed out in the open.  People and children need to “learn to interact knowledgeable, comfortably and fairly with each other, whatever their abilities” (Derman-Sparks, & Olsen Edwards, 2010, pg. 126)

Resources

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)

UNICEF. http://www.unicef.org/montenegro/

Trustees of Columbia University, (2010).  The National Center for Children in Poverty (NCCP). Retrieved from: http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_882.html

Sexualization of Children

As a parent of a daughter I was always mindful of how she dressed, even as a young toddler.  As she grew older forming her own likes and dislikes with regard to clothing, I remember telling her she was not permitted to wear clothing with writing on her chest or on her bottom.  I found this type of clothing distasteful and a tool to draw attention to a girl’s breast and backside.  The clothing sent a message of sexual availability.  The last thing I wanted for my daughter or any other young girl was men of all ages leering at her.  I wanted my daughter to be a “little” girl.  Every time I saw words such as “bootylicous”, “tasty” or  “bodacious” on a young girls clothing, I was more appalled at the parents.  To me it was just an example of “ permissive parenting” and these parents had “stopped trying to set…boundaries for their children” (Breslin, 2012). 

Had I considered any of this as sexualization of young girls, not really.  I looked at the picture from the view of promiscuity and that the clothing was causing the girls be more sexually promiscuous.  I now have a very different definition; sexualization is treating all people, boys and girls included as “objects of sexual desire” with their value comes from their “sex appeal, which is equated with physical attractiveness” (Levin, & Kilbourne, 2009).  I was also surprised by the implications of sexualization of young boys; I did not equate sexualization of boys with the notion that boys would grow up to have unrealistic expectations of women and that they would make “dangerous partners for women” (Levin et al., 2009)

The messages of  an attractive, sexual appearance bombards children of all ages, however the implications on young children is staggering.  Children’s emotional development is stunted and they learn to view themselves as objects void of emotion; they do not value or respect themselves and often times act out in a sexual manner.  Sexualization has also been linked to three mental health problems diagnosed in girls and women; eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression (Berlin, 2012).  Sadly, children are missing out on their childhoods as well as missing out on developing healthy relationships with peers.

Children have too much access to media; phones, televisions in their bedrooms and iPods.  All of these wonderful tools of technology do a disservice to our children and expose them to messages of sexualization.  I am surprised to hear what young pre-school children watch on television;  shows like “iCarly” which is about young teens.  The children then talk about things such as boyfriends and dating.  One little girl, Shira told me that she and another little boy Thomas were dating.  They have been caught giving each other a kiss on the lips, holding each other around the hips and neck.   Sadly parents trust the shows that air on networks such as Nickelodeon.  Parents also trust music because many consider it an expressive art form.   Music is very frightening, filled with profanity, sexual innuendo and hooking up.  Sadly, young children not only have access to this type of music through their own personal iPods, but they sing it out loud when in my program.  They don’t even edit themselves but instead use each and every word and expletive in the songs.  “It’s just a song, it doesn’t mean anything” they say to me.   I have asked parents to please keep the iPods at home, as well as monitor what the children listen to.  Sadly, the music is not the only form of exposure to sexualization within the elementary school system.  I see it everyday in the way the children dress and in the way the boys and girls hang all over each other.  Little girls purposefully sit in between boy’s legs or sit on their laps.  The boys respond in wrapping their arms around them.   The children have to be separated and told how to sit with one another in an appropriate manner.  The openness of this behavior also impacts the other children especially the girls.  Many times I have had to console girls, 6 and 7 years old who come to  crying saying certain boys don’t like them because they are not “pretty enough”.  What a terrible feeling to have!  I imagine the uphill battle these children will have in terms of finding value and beauty in their true self. 

I worry about the children but I also worry about the parents and I wonder if they know enough.  Parenting is a constant struggle and like many parents I struggled to control what my children wore, what my children watched on television and with whom they played with.  They had time enough to learn about sex and watch R-rated movies.  Gone are those days when I watched cartoons and Disney movies with my children, they are now 21 and 18 years old but I still worry about the messages they receive through media. 

My awareness has certainly been raised and as an early childhood educator, I have a responsibility to empower children by focusing on their abilities rather than their appearance.  Children need to feel they are capable and have skills and abilities that are unique to them.  It’s not to say that we shouldn’t tell children they are beautiful or handsome—we should but we also need to tell them they are good at math, climbing, swimming, writing stories and drawing pictures.  Our attention needs to be nurturing and supportive.  In addition, shying away from difficult topics such as sex or sexuality should not be avoided or treated as taboo.  Children should be able to engage us in open, honest conversations that “clear up confusion about issues such as…physical differences…and the basics of making babies” (Levin et al., 2009).  Parents too need to be engaged in the topic and as educators we have a responsibility to provide parents with resources and information regarding the messages that are reaching their children on a daily basis.

Resources

Breslin, M. (2012).  LITTLE women. (Cover Story).  U.S. Catholic, 77(5), 12 – 16.

Levin, D. E., & Kilbourne, J. (2009). [Introduction]. So sexy so soon: The new sexualized childhood and what parents can do to protect their kids (pp. 1-8). New York: Ballantine Books. Retrieved from: http://dianeelevin.com/sosexysosoon/introduction.pdf

"Isms"

“Biases and assumptions, micro-aggressions, and ignorance of experiences… are communicated daily” (Arrendondo, 2008).  These micro-aggressions or “isms” in one’s life can have two varying effects on interactions.  The effects can be positive, as one would not like others to share or experience feelings of hurt, or the effects can be negative where the individual carries the hurt feelings and transfers those feelings on others, as if they are the cause of the sightedness.

Looking back I have come into contact with many “isms”, religion-ism, sexism and gender-ism.  I was always the kid who “didn’t know when to celebrate American holidays such as Christmas or Easter; I was the woman who advanced in the all male world of television because of my attractiveness and I was the singe parent who “needed a man” to raise her children in an emotionally positive environment.   I was made to feel less than worthy as a woman, in adequate as a parent and ashamed of my religious beliefs.  I never stood up for myself assuring myself that the comments were not intended to be hurtful.  I never spoke up because deep down I knew the truth about myself—I was strong and capable.  Ironically before the course work I had not considered “isms” as something really inappropriate and I too engaged in “isms” with friends, feeling we were just joking with one another. 

Information and definitions of terms gives an eye opening awareness, awareness that “isms” are hurtful.  The harmful effects of these multicultural misconceptions are what keep me mindful as I meet and work with different communities of families.  As I meet and talk with parents, a small voice in the back of my head runs through lines of “isms’ I heard directed at me—it’s like an actor rehearsing lines, the only difference is that those lines are not shared with the individuals I am speaking with.  Instead, I ask questions to get to know the individuals so as to achieve “multicultural competency…to know oneself as a cultural being, to be knowledgeable about the cultural worldview of others” (Arrendondo, 2008).  It is through this deeper kind of insight that I can empathize with the children and families I encounter; we have the potential of having a shared experience and we can provide each other comfort for the injustice of “isms”.  I hope to on some level understand where people come from and have the ability to “suspend judgment and promote conciliatory relations” (Arrendondo, 2008).  In addition to this sense of community, I can translate my experiences into the classroom, making sure the environment “is…culturally consistent for the children and families” (Derman-Sparks, & Olsen Edwards, 2010, pg. 43), ensuring transparency of all who attend the program.  This transparency I hope will empower the children and families to be able to speak up and be proud of who they are especially in the face of “isms”. 

I hope to be a catalyst that promotes a change in attitudes towards multicultural and diverse communities; I want my impact to be positive.  As I move forward I certainly understand that I will encounter not only opposition but I will encounter “isms’ in my daily life, however that is part of the journey and there has to be an avenue for complex issues to be observed and disagreements to be had with how we all feel. 

“Each person’s development as an anti-bias educator has it’s own pattern, pace and timetable. The key is to keep…committed.  (Derman-Sparks, et al., 2010, pg. 30). 

Resources

Arrendondo, P. (2008).  Using Professional Leadership to Promote Multicultural Understanding and Social Justice.  Journal of Pacific Rim Psychology. 2(1), 13-17.

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).