Non-Verbal Communication

I have to admit, I love watching television and I was excited about doing this particular assignment.  Before I continue, I should also say what most attracts me to television shows is the writing and the dialogue so I was uncertain as to what I might discover through the exercise. 

I watched an episode of FOX’s New Girl, about a young woman who moves in with three single guys.  The episodes unfolds as the group is talking to one another, and one of the three group members continues to walk around, turning his back on the group; reaching into the refrigerator to get a beer and at one point walks away from his talking friends.  As I watched I got a bit annoyed with his behavior thinking he was being rude to his friends.  Further in the episode, the young woman accidentally walks in on one of the guy’s and he is naked; she stops, looks, giggles and quickly closes the door.  She seems to be trying to talk to the guy, but he walks past her wearing a hooded sweatshirt leaving the apartment.  She follows him, but he quickly gets on the elevator letting the doors shut.  Once back in the apartment, the girl sits down on the sofa where the other two guys are sitting side by side, one with a computer on his lap and the other one with his legs draped across the table.  They appear to be talking, however they don’t physically turn their bodies toward one another to indicate they are addressing each other; neither one of the guys turns to talk or acknowledge the young girl who has sat down.  She does appear to be talking with them. 

When watching the episode with the volume up, I discovered all of the individuals were in fact talking to one another, each trying to make their own point about their situation. At the start of the episode, the group was trying to convince the one guy to finally go out on a date after ending long-term relationships.  When this young man continued to walk around, turned his back, and reached for a beer in the fridge, he was using regulated non-verbal communication to better manage his emotions and interaction with the group.  Some of the communication was banter back and forth giving insight into the personalities of the individuals, and there was a sense that the men in the episode merely put up with the girl rather than treating her like an equal.    They men in the episode used affect displays to convey this message; raising of the eyebrows, or shaking of the head when the girl spoke (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2009). 

The individuals in the sitcom were most definitely engaged in nonverbal communication and they were being behaving “intentionally…. signaling meaning through behavior other than words” (O’Hair, et al., 2009).  Interestingly enough, I was surprised by how much physical communication and innuendo I actually miss in any given program, as I am interested in the verbal dialogue.  To some extent when ignoring the physical communication, one can miss certain innuendo or hidden meaning that language may not convey.  Although “nonverbal communication can ambiguous”  (O’Hair, et al., 2009) one can miss how someone else is feeling if they don’t take a minute to examine both the verbal and physical situation.  In addition, I was surprised by the fact that I had also misinterpreted some of they physical communication thinking it was intended with malice or disinterest, when it fact it was just physical body language; a way a person sits or places their body.  Another interesting insight that I gained from this assignment is the fact that sometimes or physical mannerisms display discomfort with a particular situation rather than intending to reflect a negative emotion towards someone else. 

References

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Learning How to Talk...and Listen

I enjoy communicating with others and I rather enjoy getting to know people.  Just as I like getting to know people I also like to share information about myself as well.  My excitement over verbal exchanges can at times make feel as I should be the sole communicator, and I have to stop myself from talking and begin to actively listen to my partner.  Being a good communicator for me is a work in progress as I tend to share the first thought that comes to mind—as an administrator of a pre-school program that doesn’t bode well.  I do have to bite my tongue often, but I have found that has helped me grow tremendously as a communicator.  

As I continue to grow in my role as an administrator, I am growing more mindful and reflective, but I have a long way to go in building my communication skills.  I have watched some fantastic communicators over the last few years, picking up skills along the way and one individual stands out for me as being the most effective.  I still remember the incident that I observed that sealed the deal for me. It was my first day as the director of my current program and one of the staff was being written up.  Although I did not play a role, I was privy to this disciplinary meeting.  The staff member was weaving quite a tale trying to defend her actions, while also trying to turn the tables blaming the organization for her current problems.  She was very rude and disrespectful.  My then supervisor did not miss a beat; she firmly repeated back everything the employee said, asking “Is that what I understood you to say?” The employee nodded and my supervisor continued reaffirming her position and the policy as it was stated in the employee guidelines.  Even through the rudeness and negative remarks being made, my supervisor kept her eyes on the employee, leaning her body in and keeping her focus on what needed to be said while still hearing and processing what was being said.  Her voice was firm and confident.  I was impressed and I remember thinking, “Oh my gosh, I am never going to be able to do that”.  My stomach was in knots.  

When situations arise, I try to remember the cool, composed manner in which my supervisor delivered some unpleasant news, not for a minute wavering but keeping focus on the program and the manner in which she was going to solve the problem.  

Professional Hopes and Goals

People are at times prejudged based on their appearance, their race, their culture, their gender, and their linguistic difference.  Assumptions are made and used as a means to justify certain behaviors.  Working with children exposes to many diverse communities and a disservice can be done if we approach children with those assumptions.  I hope to be able to pause and set aside those prejudices and assumptions that I carry with me, intended and unintended so as to see the real person in front of me.  I want to take time to sit down with a child and get to know them, finding joy in what they have to offer.  With that said, I hope that my behavior can be a model for the teachers to follow suit. 

It is evident to me more administrator and teacher training is required in the area of diversity, equity and social justice.  I find in my own organization that there is the conception that we are in a place of non-bias teaching, however that has not been the experience at my own center.  I would like to see an honest examination of programs and teaching methods to ensure reflection of non-bias education.  In addition I would like to see more intense professional development for teachers and organizations; I think this is the key to create open, honest sharing environments where children and families can feel honored. 

It has been a wonderful experience getting to know all of you.  I have appreciated the sharing of difficult experiences so that all of us could improve as educators and gain greater understanding of diversity and hopefully begin advocacy and change for the children and families we work with.  All the best to all of you; I hope that our paths can cross in future courses.  

Welcoming Families Around the World

Most recently I have enrolled a few Nigerian families to my program.  I know very little about the people of Nigeria, just as I would imagine they are unfamiliar with some of our American nuances.  The children seem to have acclimated to the program rather well and their parents seem happy with the care and quality of education we are providing.  I have noticed both parents speak English with a heavy accent and an understanding of what is being said.  In addition to this language dynamic, I have also encountered one parent speaking English very well, while the other parent speaks some English but is fluent in another language.  This particular blog comes at a good time as I have just completed team meetings with my staff and have been discussing what holidays mean for culturally diverse families if anything.  The conversations have been challenging as my staff struggles with the question, “how can all the children be represented in the projects and activities we are doing?” It is certainly a discussion we will continue to probe and explore but I was surprised that they did not feel it necessary to seek out the parent’s ideas about their holiday celebrations.  Culturally diverse conversations are not as readily understood and more importantly I am finding that for individuals like my staff the idea of culture is a peripheral one represented through crayons, baby dolls and clothing.  I want to dig deeper and for that reason I did some research on the people of Nigeria to get a better sense of who they are so as to better promote an engaging program, inclusive program. 

I learned that although English is the official language of Nigeria and is used for education, business transactions and official purposes, there are 510-catalogued languages in the country.  The following are the major native languages, Yoruba, Ibo and Kanuri.  The country is composed of Christians, Muslims, and native religious in which people believe in deities and spirits.   Families are composed of extended family members, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and in-laws working as a unit through life (www.kwintessential.co.uk).

In order to be culturally responsive towards a family of Nigerian decent I would do the following - 

I would ask how long they have been in this country and how they came to immigrate here; do they have family here (to determine support systems and family structure and dynamics). 

I would ask what part of Nigeria they were from as well as what primary language was spoken there. 

I would engage the family in a discussion about the education environment that their child last attended with follow up questions as to what they felt about the experience; how their child responded to the experience.

Discuss their expectations of the program and our education setting; what needs do they has as it pertains to their child; are then looking for social/emotional support, are they language development, are they focused on kindergarten preparedness.

Once a home language was identified I would provide them with Center materials and curriculum handout describing the program in their native language if possible.

I would host a cultural potluck, providing an environment of sharing and dialogue so as to engage the family in the program as well as help broaden their social network, allowing them to share who they are while networking with other parents.

The process would help build relationships with the family and the program as well as give the teaching teams insight into the family’s beliefs and values.  In addition, the exchange of information will equip the program with information that will help the teachers plan with intention so that the Nigerian family can feel represented, included and engaged. 

References

http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/global-etiquette/nigeria.html

The Personal Side of Bias

I have to admit that for some time now I have struggled with food and have yo-yo dieted since I was 12 years old.  I am now 46, so that adds up to a lot of years of unhappiness with my body.  Early on in my life I became aware of my body and that my body was very different from other girls my age.  As family always surrounded us, we were always eating.  I enjoyed my mom’s cooking and I could be found in the kitchen with her.  I don’t remember the event, but I still remember my aunt’s words to me, “Your butt is so big, I can hardly see past it, what is your mother feeding you?”  As she made the comment, she laughed and grabbled hold of my side and squeezed my skin between her fingers.  I kitchen full of people, and no one came to my defense or even chimed in that I was a beautiful young girl.  Trying to hold back tears, I giggled when she made the comment.  Words escaped me at the time, and it was at that moment I realized I was different and that I was somehow defined by how I looked. Obviously, I was not thin, but rather a fat little girl who was not pleasing to be around.  I did not measure up and it was at that time I began a lifetime of comparing my body to others, women who I defined as thin.  “…No one, no matter how intelligent and skillful at critical thinking, is protected against the subliminal suggestions that imprint themselves on our unconscious brain” (Margles, & Margles, 2010).  In addition, I realized that food consumption had to be controlled, especially when around family members.  I became very conscious of what I put in my mouth when I was around my family, and would sneak off into the kitchen to eat when no one was looking.  Of course this quick sneaking of food only made me feel worse; I was fat, and couldn’t control my eating.  At such a pivotal time in my life, my body changing in ways that were difficult to comprehend, and to add insult to injury, I was flat out told I was unattractive.

The bias against me as it pertained to my physical appearance put me at a disadvantage, as I no longer felt equal to other girls my age.  I felt like an outsider who would not be welcomed in to the “pretty, thin girl club”.    I most certainly felt I was not quite good enough, and I had a “heightened concern about the gaze and perception of others” (Margles, et al., 2010).  Social situations were challenging and left me feeling insecure and wondering if people were listening and interacting with the internal me, or if they were just focused on the external structure of my body.   

Age and time have given me different perspective on the experience as well as how I view myself. I struggle with the notion of how to change the situation so as to create equity.  I believe we as individuals cannot change the opinions and thoughts of others, but we can empower who we are by speaking up and stating our feelings and opinions.  As a 12-year-old girl, I am not sure how that would have played out especially growing up in a culture that taught us children to respect our elders.  As an adult, I do feel that in order to shed the feelings of oppression, I have to share my thoughts, feelings and ideas.  In similar situations, I must not only speak up for myself, but I must also speak up when I see someone being treated harshly and with bias.  Acting the innocent bystander only further perpetuates bias and prejudice. 

Looking back at this situation, I feel that the words were not meant to be hurtful, but sadly the sting lasted a long time.   I also feel that the rest of my family who stood by were shocked and did not know how to react to what was happening.  I have moved beyond measuring who I am based strictly on my body—to some degree.  I am however very conscious of my words and actions as it pertains to food, diet and appearance when I am around my own children, wanting them to not share in the same struggle.

References

Margles, S., & Margles, R. M. (2010). Inverting racism's distortions. Our Schools/Our Selves, 19(3), 137–149. Retrieved from: http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=51372248&site=ehost-live&scope=si