Who Am I as a Communcator

"What will they think of me?" must be put aside for bliss.”

- Joseph Campbell

This particular assignment was a bit intimidating for me; in my mind I struggled with whom to ask to provide an assessment on my communication skills.  It was as if I was looking for those individuals who would perhaps have positive things to say about me.  The innate need to be liked was a bit surprising as I feel confidant in who I am.  The difficulty is not only recognizing your own weaknesses, but being willing to hear that others are aware of those weaknesses as well. 

I spend the better part of my day communicating and for some time now I have worked on how I communicate, especially how I listen to others.  I have also spent a great deal of time editing the words that originate in my brain and head towards my mouth, being more thoughtful when I speak as well a giving the words some wait time in my brain before sharing them.  My reality is that I don’t take words lightly and it is important to me to hear others so as to get their full meaning because that is the value I want others to place on my words. 

The process of editing one’s words I feel can enhance my communication in all aspects of my life.  The message I will be giving others is that I am thoughtful and open to ideas sharing.  This technique will also be most helpful when extreme emotion is involved in a conversation, a parent who is upset, a teacher who is not able to work with a team member or my own personal convictions that are different from someone else.  Conflict can alter one’s perception of another and must be looked at from a neutral place.  The most important message I remind myself of is state the facts, and accept that at times the facts I present may not match the facts of the other side.  

Communicating with different cultures

On any given day, I can meet 2 to 3 families looking for childcare; my program is located in a very diverse area, ranging from low-income families, culturally diverse families and families with different gender preferences.

As I meet families of different cultures I find myself re-programming my brain.  Something in my thought process kicks in and I actively tell myself that I need to be thoughtful in my language usage, phrasing and tone.  This is especially true when I hear families speak with an accent.  I want to make sure that I am being understood and that the message I am relaying about my program is received effectively.  The hardest part of the process is remaining neutral and coming across as sincere, rather than someone who is trying too hard to impress a family so as to enroll in my program.  I really do believe in my program and that is the message I want families to come away with.  I do slow myself down a bit, and I ask more questions rather than putting all the information out there.  I also find myself pausing, giving families room to not only process what I am saying, but to be comfortable enough to ask questions. 

In addition to these techniques, I do engage the family in conversation asking about where they are from, do they have family nearby, is this the first time in childcare and if it is their first experience, I inquire about who has been caring for their child.” On some subtle way I am engaging in the platinum rule, trying to put myself in the place of the parents, trying to understand not only their needs, but trying to understand their perspective as it pertains to child care.  The entire process is more of building a trusting interactive relationship rather than focusing on the marketing and selling of the program.  I “use “small talk”…and other low-level disclosures to build a relationship” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011). 

Prior to this course, I did not have a definition for my communication actions, however I am able to say I am developing my skills as an intercultural communicator, adapting my behavior toward what is appropriate to the other person’s culture.  I seek to gain information about families I am meeting, trying to make connections to families.  I work hard to refine my interpersonal skills to overcome barriers that make us culturally different (Beebe, et al., 2011), focusing rather on finding common ground.  As this process evolves I am aware that my behavior has to change and modify for new situations as they arise so I therefore actively try to come up with additional skills to utilize in my communication repertoire, building an arsenal of resources and tools for the many different people I will come in contact with. 

I communicate differently in the following ways -

I slow myself down a bit, quieting my thoughts and allowing for parents to respond

I engage the family in questions as they pertain to their cultural background 

I keep myself motivated for the new situations I may encounter, having deep appreciation for all that is different. 

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Non-Verbal Communication

I have to admit, I love watching television and I was excited about doing this particular assignment.  Before I continue, I should also say what most attracts me to television shows is the writing and the dialogue so I was uncertain as to what I might discover through the exercise. 

I watched an episode of FOX’s New Girl, about a young woman who moves in with three single guys.  The episodes unfolds as the group is talking to one another, and one of the three group members continues to walk around, turning his back on the group; reaching into the refrigerator to get a beer and at one point walks away from his talking friends.  As I watched I got a bit annoyed with his behavior thinking he was being rude to his friends.  Further in the episode, the young woman accidentally walks in on one of the guy’s and he is naked; she stops, looks, giggles and quickly closes the door.  She seems to be trying to talk to the guy, but he walks past her wearing a hooded sweatshirt leaving the apartment.  She follows him, but he quickly gets on the elevator letting the doors shut.  Once back in the apartment, the girl sits down on the sofa where the other two guys are sitting side by side, one with a computer on his lap and the other one with his legs draped across the table.  They appear to be talking, however they don’t physically turn their bodies toward one another to indicate they are addressing each other; neither one of the guys turns to talk or acknowledge the young girl who has sat down.  She does appear to be talking with them. 

When watching the episode with the volume up, I discovered all of the individuals were in fact talking to one another, each trying to make their own point about their situation. At the start of the episode, the group was trying to convince the one guy to finally go out on a date after ending long-term relationships.  When this young man continued to walk around, turned his back, and reached for a beer in the fridge, he was using regulated non-verbal communication to better manage his emotions and interaction with the group.  Some of the communication was banter back and forth giving insight into the personalities of the individuals, and there was a sense that the men in the episode merely put up with the girl rather than treating her like an equal.    They men in the episode used affect displays to convey this message; raising of the eyebrows, or shaking of the head when the girl spoke (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2009). 

The individuals in the sitcom were most definitely engaged in nonverbal communication and they were being behaving “intentionally…. signaling meaning through behavior other than words” (O’Hair, et al., 2009).  Interestingly enough, I was surprised by how much physical communication and innuendo I actually miss in any given program, as I am interested in the verbal dialogue.  To some extent when ignoring the physical communication, one can miss certain innuendo or hidden meaning that language may not convey.  Although “nonverbal communication can ambiguous”  (O’Hair, et al., 2009) one can miss how someone else is feeling if they don’t take a minute to examine both the verbal and physical situation.  In addition, I was surprised by the fact that I had also misinterpreted some of they physical communication thinking it was intended with malice or disinterest, when it fact it was just physical body language; a way a person sits or places their body.  Another interesting insight that I gained from this assignment is the fact that sometimes or physical mannerisms display discomfort with a particular situation rather than intending to reflect a negative emotion towards someone else. 

References

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Learning How to Talk...and Listen

I enjoy communicating with others and I rather enjoy getting to know people.  Just as I like getting to know people I also like to share information about myself as well.  My excitement over verbal exchanges can at times make feel as I should be the sole communicator, and I have to stop myself from talking and begin to actively listen to my partner.  Being a good communicator for me is a work in progress as I tend to share the first thought that comes to mind—as an administrator of a pre-school program that doesn’t bode well.  I do have to bite my tongue often, but I have found that has helped me grow tremendously as a communicator.  

As I continue to grow in my role as an administrator, I am growing more mindful and reflective, but I have a long way to go in building my communication skills.  I have watched some fantastic communicators over the last few years, picking up skills along the way and one individual stands out for me as being the most effective.  I still remember the incident that I observed that sealed the deal for me. It was my first day as the director of my current program and one of the staff was being written up.  Although I did not play a role, I was privy to this disciplinary meeting.  The staff member was weaving quite a tale trying to defend her actions, while also trying to turn the tables blaming the organization for her current problems.  She was very rude and disrespectful.  My then supervisor did not miss a beat; she firmly repeated back everything the employee said, asking “Is that what I understood you to say?” The employee nodded and my supervisor continued reaffirming her position and the policy as it was stated in the employee guidelines.  Even through the rudeness and negative remarks being made, my supervisor kept her eyes on the employee, leaning her body in and keeping her focus on what needed to be said while still hearing and processing what was being said.  Her voice was firm and confident.  I was impressed and I remember thinking, “Oh my gosh, I am never going to be able to do that”.  My stomach was in knots.  

When situations arise, I try to remember the cool, composed manner in which my supervisor delivered some unpleasant news, not for a minute wavering but keeping focus on the program and the manner in which she was going to solve the problem.